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Why Are All the 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Promo Photos So Ridiculously Tame?

By Shannon Houston, Hollywood Staff

Do you see that photo above? That is supposed to be THE photo. The Fifty Shades of Grey promo photo that will be plastered onto billboards across the United States. The Fifty Shades of Grey promo photo that will send you running to the theatres come February 2015, Fifty Shades of Grey wine in one hand, extra panties stashed in your purse. (Yup, I said it.)

Well, is it doing it for ya? Yeah, us neither. Seriously?! What is it with all of these adorable, totally SFW images from the Fifty Shades of Grey publicity camp? It's enough that an R-rated film most likely won't show, like, 75 percent of the sex scenes that made the book the mommy porn that it was (which is why we're really banking on that NC-17 version). We're now being bombarded with these totally lame (as in, not erotic at all) photo shoots from Entertainment Weekly:

We get it -- subtlety! Romance implied! The sexual inference from the tie! The look in Jamie Dornan's eyes, which somehow translates all the pain, pride, and sexual prowess of billionaire Christian Grey! Whatever. The next promo photo better be at least somewhat NSFW, and feature Ana and Grey up in the Red Room. After all, isn't that why we're all here?

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