1. My goal for 2019 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to
go.
2. Ate salad for dinner.
Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was
a pizza.. I ate a pizza, are you happy?
3. How to prepare
Tofu:
a. Throw it in the trash
b. Grill some meat, chicken or fish
4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a
spider web.
5. I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food
supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra
weight live longer than men who mention it.
7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was
young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
8. Senility has been
a smooth transition for me.
9. Remember back when
we were kids and every time it was below zero outside they closed school? Yeah,
Me neither.
10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or
smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
11. I love being old,
I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.
12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started
searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.
13. I think I'll just put an “Out of Order”
sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
14. November 3, 2019 marked the end of Daylight Saving Time.
Hope you didn't forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.
15. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to
pick up speed.
I got these jokes from an email chain that is making the rounds. Thanks to Ken who sent me them.
